So i choose to stay away from the world. And continue to stay hopeful for my future of happiness.
tsb
I wanna be a rock star. If the whole movie director thing doesn't work. Yup, that's all I gotta say tonight. =)
tsb
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I have finally found the definition of happiness. Well maybe more somehow, somewhere happiness has found me.
That's really all I needed to say. =)
tsb
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I sometimes complain about how hard my life is. Sometimes it is. But there really are people out there who have it rough! I wonder if I were in the same situation how would I deal?
Story cut short. Tonight my prayers don't go out to God for me. They go out for everyone else... friend, family, foe, stranger. My prayers go out to you!
tsb
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I've never really known how to do this. "This" being life. It'll get easier. It has to.
tsb
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tsb
It's hard to but all my feelings into words. Like to take how I feel at this very moment and just jot away. You try it. can't do it right?
Murphy's Law is "the law" right now. Anything that could go wrong... Yup you got it!
Last week was a roughy for me. I dont know why. Okay, that's a lie. I do know why. I just choose not to share why to cyber world. Nothing could make me smile. But this week... I found reasons to smile. It took awhile to find them, but I did.
I can only look up from now on. I won't let anything bring me down.
That's all for now.
tsb
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I have become extremely obsessed with the word and definition of happiness. What is it? What actually defines it?
It's not an emotion I have a lot. I'm not saying I'm depressed, I'm saying when I have the feeling of happiness, however rare the amount of times, I try to grasp and take ahold of it.
When I look at the people around me, the word happiness comes to mind. I see a situation that they're in that would make me happy. But I always see them find reasons to get out if that happiness. They find flaws in people or look at the situation they are given as a curse rather than a blessing. Which kills me cuz I know everyone deserves to be happy.
Sometimes I do the same thing. I find reasons why I shouldn't be in a certain situation. I've become picky. Why? I don't know. But I think that all should change!
From now on the glass is half full, the grass is greener on this side!! You catch my drift?
tsb
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I don't really get the concept of the word love. I love my family. I love my friends. But giving my heart to someone just doesn't make sense to me at this time.
I believe in love. I do. I even used to believe in love at first sight. But the use of the word has been played out.
It takes much longer than two weeks to get to know someone. So shouldn't it take much longer for someone to fall in love?
Giving your heart, your love, to someone means to completely trust and dedicate yourself to them, right?
I guess I wouldn't know. I have only given my heart to one person. He must have taken it with him. Cuz obviously I have not been capaible to feel that same way again.
I really hope when someone gives me their heart, I'll be able to realize what's there in front of me and be able to return the love.
Until then,
tsb
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I should probably write something. it's been like a month. And a lot has happened. I've been crazy busy with a thing called "life".
Life used to be easier. When all your decisions were made for you. When right was right and wrong was wrong. No inbetween.
My ma told me that when I was younger I wished I was my dog because she didn't have homework and she got treated like a princess. LOL. Don't you wish life could be that simple?
But then I thought about it. Even she (my dog) had to be trained to do what was right and if she would do something wrong, there was some sort of consequence.
I guess the whole point of this blog is that life will pitch you a lot of curve balls and we have to learn to deal with it.
Live life to the fullest and don't live with regret, but make sure you make the right choices.
tsb
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Hmm... so what can i do to get my mind of things? .......... Rachaell is getting a unicycle. Maybe i should get one too? Nah, not original or unique. HMM!!! idk. I hate knitting. Reading would be stupid too. Tho I could read fmylife.com cuz it makes me feel better about myself. Pictures, i could just snap pictures for the rest of my life. Nah, something i dont know how to dooo.... If you're reading this (that's if anyone reads this shit...) do you have a suggestion?
tsb
I can brush it off like I don't care. . . but I do!
Ugh! I didn't want to get myself into this situation, again. Yet here I am!! Looking more stupid than ever! Great job, Tara!
How am I suppose to keep it cool?
Baaahhhhhhhh!!!!
tsb
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I don't think I do. The difference is, I don't share every bit of detail of my life in this internet journal. I mean, who knows who will read it. I think I've said before, it would be stupid to let someone know how vulnerable you might be.
Then the question comes up... Why do I have a blog? What is it's purpose? I have a wonderful set of friends that I can talk to whenever I have a problem. But writing is different. Sometimes written words are easier. I think feelings that can't be said can even sound better read in words. Even if there are things that may be embarrassing or ever hard to say out loud at first, writing it in words can help to express it vocally.
I've never gotten too detailed in this blog, (no names, places, dates, or precise actions) and I think that's a good thing. It means I have a strong group of friends and family for anything that happens, or even maybe I have a better ability to express my feelings to people than others who can only express their feelings for the cyber world 5 times a day.
I'm in a good place. I am not pathetic. And honesty shouldn't be pathetic.
tsb
- Mood:
content
2. I was born in Fortsill, Oklahoma.
3. I really like jolly ranchers.
4. I hate drama and try to stay as far away from it as possible, yet i always seem to end up right in the middle of it.
5. I have not had a drink of soda in 5 years.
6. I dream a lot and they're always really realistic. Sometimes some come true. Just not the ones with the creepy clowns.
7. I don't sleep very well anymore. I used to go to bed at 10 every night, now i can't fall asleep til 1 or 2 and i must be listening to my iPod.
8. I miss my friends from high school A LOT, but i don't get to see them very much and i think thats my fault.
9. I WILL be the first woman to receive an oscar for best director!
10. I attract the wrong kind of attention and i hate it!
11. Transformers is my favorite movie right now. I could watch it every day if i had to.
12. I can't go a day without txting someone, anyone.
13. I fall for all the wrong guys.
14. I have a whistle on my keys, for safety. haha
15. I let people take advantage of me and i don't know why.
16. When it comes to guys, I am and will always just be the really great friend.
17. I found my filming twin...and she's....black.
18. I'm pretty loud and obnoxious, but in a good way (i think).
19. I used to love chocolate ice cream but now i can't stand it.
20. I'm obsessed with Smallville but not Superman.
21. I hope i find a guy who cares about me as much as i care about him.
22. I secretly want to be sxephil. Well have his humor at least...or youtube fame.
23. If it wasn't weird, i would wear my prom dress everyday.
24. I wish someone yelled out my name, with excitement, every time i entered a room.
25. My middle name is Suk. =-O
I've barely gotten homework and it's only been a week, yet for some reason it feels like half the semester has already gone by. I wanna do really well though. Of course I do. I wanna transfer into New Paltz with a great GPA. Not to mention, I really wanna do some great work (in the film catagory).
We'll see what happens. Hopefully, I don't freak out too much. But maybe just enough to keep me motivated!
tsb
- Mood:
drained
I'm a great friend. I could be a better girlfriend. But I guess you'll never know that now.
tsb
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So, yeaa. I give advice I don't follow. Doesn't actually make me a hypocrite if you really knew what was going on.
But I really do think Sarah's got a point with her hypothesis.
I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just bring myself. And you know what, I shouldn't have to be afraid of being myself. So from now on--- "simple and honest" is my new moto to live by. Even if the situation maybe complicated, I don't care. I'm gonna be me and I will not feel bad about it.
Hello New Year. Hello New Tara!
tsb
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tarasbrower- Tara S Brower
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